Thinking About Then and Now

The first time I met you, I thought to myself,

“What a pretentious, sad little thing,”

except, I probably had no idea at the time

what “pretentious” meant.

Looking back,

I was the pretentious one.

I loved myself

and you were everything I wasn’t,

and I didn’t like what you were

because you were different from me.

But I only felt that way

for…maybe a day?

Soon we were friends and talking all the time,

and walking all the time to class and lunch,

and eating all the time, and arguing all the time,

and discussing our views on Christians and politics.

By this time,

I was very infatuated with you.

I remember one night

we talked for hours on the phone,

or rather, I listened for hours

to you sleepily go on and on about everything.

And by this time, I was a different kid,

thanks to you and your weird point of view.

You were the first girl I ever asked to a dance,

and I wasn’t your first boy to ask you to a dance,

and we danced at that dance, actually we grinded,

and it was also my first time to grind.

One day you became a Christian,

and all the sudden you were hardcore for Jesus.

And you were still very liberal, and you still drank,

and you still cussed and still had mom probs…

But you also became so much nicer,

and told me you loved your mom.

And while I had told you before that I was a Christian,

I don’t think I actually loved Jesus.

But that soon changed when I met some people

and sang “It was my sin that held him there…”

and cried like a baby and started living

like Jesus was by best friend, and like I loved everybody.

But somewhere in there,

we stopped walking and talking together.

It got to the point where we weren’t friends anymore,

just fake friends who said “hi” in passing,

and I’ll never know why

and neither will you probably.

For awhile I guess we just

did our own thing.

And then a year later we start hanging out again,

and we both are obsessed with beauty and God,

and we both are goofy, and we both are there for each other

and soon we are best friends again.

And now we’re at this point,

and you’ll be going away soon,

and I just want to spend every day with you,

and go to little “guy and his guitar” shows with you

and go get coffee and listen to the bad music that come on,

and make fun of it with you and share a cookie that you bought.

And I just want to spend these last few months

Just spending my time with you.