Life is obviously strange, so that seems like a dumb thing to say.
One thing strange is the way I've been.
I have a paper in Bible I'm supposed to have turned in Monday,
and I haven't even finished it yet.
It's not out of a rebellious spirit, either.
It's just that I can't focus. Literally.
Anytime and everytime I try to type the thing, I just...go away.
My mind. Goes away. And I don't know what to do.
I'm afraid it's futile.
On the other hand, I have been very inspired lately.
I met a really cool person, and we're getting to be friends,
and I like the way she says things. A lot.
I love every word that comes out of her brain.
I like her style a lot, too. She's like a kid. A crazy cool kid
who is a lot wiser than me though she doesn't know it,
and who is nice. Like Eternal Sunshine.
Who doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself.
Who knows what beauty is and has always had a secret to desire to be an actress.
Who likes to create.
We have actually only hung out once. Sort of. In an intellectual group setting.
All our good conversation has been via text. We were going to go get coffee Saturday and go to Davis Kidd and pick our favorite books and talk about why they're our favorites.
But then I remembered I had been asked to the Valentines Dance,
so I had to cancel.
But I think we will for sure hang out.
I really hope so. I like her.
She said I give very good advice. I'm glad she thinks that because really all I want to do is help people.
And I especially want to help her.
She loves Jesus like crazy. I like that like crazy.
I love Jesus, too. I want righteousness so, so bad.
And I think she does, too.
So we'll just see how things go. Maybe we'll just be friends.
And ya know what? I'll be okay.
And maybe we'll be more,
and if so, I'll be okay. I just want to live the life God wants for me.
And I want the same for her.
So anyway, I picked up John Calvin's "Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life" last night, first thing I've read by him.
That's funny, I think, considering I'm the son of Reformed Presbyterian pastor,
raised Presbyterian and all.
John Calvin's practically been a common household name.
And he's good stuff, I gotta say.
His stuff is simple and to the point, but hard-hitting and convicting.
One thing he wrote that sticks out to me is this:
"Christians ought to detest those who have the gospel on their lips, and not in their hearts."
I posted that on Facebook and two people were like, "Christians shouldn't detest anybody."
And I completely agree with them.
I'd even go as far to say that the true Follower of Jesus is incapable of hate.
After all, hate is unrepentant hostility, unrelenting malice.
And sure a believer can struggle with not loving fully somebody-
I know I sure do.
But a true believer is repentant of his sin, because the Holy Spirit has made him aware, convicted him, of his sin.
The true believer wants more than anything to love fully.
The true believer wants more than anything to be righteouss.
The true believer cannot hate.
And we have a right I think to be angry with people who say they love Jesus with all their heart, and then live unrepentant self-serving lives.
And that's what I think John Calvin meant when he said we should "detest" people like that.
Because they hurt God, and they hurt other people, by giving Jesus, the only good person, a really bad name.
I cry for Jesus. I really do.
I cry about my sin. I can't believe how messed up I am.
If people only knew just how bad I was...
...I think I'd have less friends.
Only two of my friends know the depths of my heart,
and they love me ruthlessly.
And hopefully one day, I'll meet somebody like me, who has hurt like I have hurt,
and I will be able to say to them, "Hey, it's okay. I was just like you. But I changed. And if I can do it, you can for sure."
I just want Jesus.
I want to hold his hand.
I want to look into his kind and loving eyes, and cry.
I want to talk to him, hear his voice...
I can't wait for Him to come back!
But I also want to get married first. And have kids. Lots of kids.
And I can't wait to help my wife raise kids who love Jesus hopefully more than we do.
But first, I have to meet her.
Who knows, maybe she's the girl I just met. Probably not.
Still, that would be very cool to say, "I met your mom when she was 16 and liked playing with sharpies."
"But Daddy, Mommy still likes to play with sharpies!"
Maybe...just maybe...
And I also have to go to college.
But before that I am doing the Center for Western Studies which I'm crazy about!
I can't wait! Just eight months away!
And hopefully through that program I will come to a better understanding of God
and His creation.
Hopefully I will gain more wisdom.
Hopefully I'll be able to sit down and talk to anyone about anything and everything.
Hopefully in my free time I'll be able to study God's Word with Him.
Prayerfully.
That's what I need to focus on right now I think.
Not so much school, though I know that is important.
But I need to focus on God and listen to what He has to teach me, and talk to Him.
I need to rebuild our relationship.
I want to!
So that's what I'm going to do.
This was taken by American photographer Irving Penn.
It's called "Girl Drinking."
Beauty in black and white
Steals my breath and sight
And I just want to drink
Infinity with you tonight
Thanks, Irving.
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