Thinking About Then and Now

The first time I met you, I thought to myself,

“What a pretentious, sad little thing,”

except, I probably had no idea at the time

what “pretentious” meant.

Looking back,

I was the pretentious one.

I loved myself

and you were everything I wasn’t,

and I didn’t like what you were

because you were different from me.

But I only felt that way

for…maybe a day?

Soon we were friends and talking all the time,

and walking all the time to class and lunch,

and eating all the time, and arguing all the time,

and discussing our views on Christians and politics.

By this time,

I was very infatuated with you.

I remember one night

we talked for hours on the phone,

or rather, I listened for hours

to you sleepily go on and on about everything.

And by this time, I was a different kid,

thanks to you and your weird point of view.

You were the first girl I ever asked to a dance,

and I wasn’t your first boy to ask you to a dance,

and we danced at that dance, actually we grinded,

and it was also my first time to grind.

One day you became a Christian,

and all the sudden you were hardcore for Jesus.

And you were still very liberal, and you still drank,

and you still cussed and still had mom probs…

But you also became so much nicer,

and told me you loved your mom.

And while I had told you before that I was a Christian,

I don’t think I actually loved Jesus.

But that soon changed when I met some people

and sang “It was my sin that held him there…”

and cried like a baby and started living

like Jesus was by best friend, and like I loved everybody.

But somewhere in there,

we stopped walking and talking together.

It got to the point where we weren’t friends anymore,

just fake friends who said “hi” in passing,

and I’ll never know why

and neither will you probably.

For awhile I guess we just

did our own thing.

And then a year later we start hanging out again,

and we both are obsessed with beauty and God,

and we both are goofy, and we both are there for each other

and soon we are best friends again.

And now we’re at this point,

and you’ll be going away soon,

and I just want to spend every day with you,

and go to little “guy and his guitar” shows with you

and go get coffee and listen to the bad music that come on,

and make fun of it with you and share a cookie that you bought.

And I just want to spend these last few months

Just spending my time with you.

Close Your Eyes and See... (And a Nice Long Spiel About God)

[So this is something I wrote awhile back after, well, spending some time to myself with my "eyes wide shut." And, well, I kinda like it. Hope you do as well.]

"There is an alternate universe inside every one of us. Just go outside and lie down and look up into the sun and close your eyes...

Do you see it? The red mist, the dancing shapes and specks of colors...the pulsing shadows...the calmness... And if you keep your eyes shut long enough, the red mist may slowly transform into a light green... If you gently massage your eyeballs, on either side may appear silent explosions of color, a dark and hazy blue... It's little things like this that make me wonder at the mind of God, how brilliantly beautiful and beautifully brilliant His mind really is! I don't so much marvel at the things visible and obvious (though, who am I kidding? Orchids...very visible. VERY COOL. And how bout that milky smoke from a cigarette? Oh yeah...), but the things no one else necessarily sees but me...? I love that. The thought that we all, to some degree, do see things differently. We all access things so uniquely to the rest... Amazing really. That's all I have to say. Time to get back to the universe inside me..."


So I wrote that awhile back. When I was on fire for my existence and God and all that jazz.

But things aren't the same anymore. While still I marvel at the things of this world, and do see a creation, and therefore an Artist... I see no goodness in the artist. In fact I see God now as this mad (daft, crazy, loony, psycho, maniacal) puppet master up in the sky, a genius inventor, a disturbed painter of all things beautiful (and all things twisted) whose objective is to torment the world. The atheists, the agnostics, the Christians, the Buddhists, the Jews, the Nihilists, the Existentialists, the Muslims, the Hindus, the whites and the blacks and the yellows and the spades and the homosexuals and the straights....all who ultimately, I believe (or do I? do I in actuality only want to believe in this fantasy, so that I no longer will have to adhere to the "moral code," the "Law," etc?) are deserving of heaven (or maybe a better term would be eternal happiness, or rest), contrary to the Bible on which I've been raised all my life, which teaches all men are by default totally depraved and totally helpless and totally deserving of hell. And these people, us, the humans, were created by an all-knowing, all-powerful, sovereign, "good" God who put a tree in a garden to "test" us, a test he knew we ultimately would fail. And so we did, ultimately, fall. And thus sin entered the world. For which we were held responsible. For which was created as a result a place of eternal anguish, a place called hell, as punishment. And so God made hell. And then God, to entertain himself and make himself seem good (as if it mattered what we thought) sent his Son to die for us. And then we could, upon physical death, be in heaven with God forever... Do you see my problem? Do you possibly see THE problem with this? It's all God's fault, yet we have been brainwashed, in a sense, or rather "conditioned," to believe it's our fault and we are deserving of hell. But people, right now I am struggling very much with this concept. I look at Jesus, and love him. Indeed I talk about him as if he is alive. I cry when I sing songs about the man...but I have a hard time believing in GOD. The powerful entity "to whom and from whom are all things..."

I have dealt with much embarrassing sins in my life which I cannot name because I am not at peace with myself and the world and therefore am too weak to name them specifically. But all I can say is during all these trials I tried and tried and tried to remain in dialogue with God, and I asked and asked and asked that he take away all of this. And he remained silent. He did not act. The God I believed in, the One who could do anything, "because he IS God," seemed incapable of stopping me. And still he has not taken away my sufferings. My disgusting, enslaving tendencies.
He has only seemed to say, "Quit whining about your problems and do something about it. I'm not going to just stop the order of things for YOU, JP. I work miracles for cancer. But come on, seriously? Get a grip, JP. This is something YOU can help."

"But God!! I can't!! I need help!!"

Silence.

Still, I love Jesus. But I hate God. And anyone who knows theology and about the Triune God, the Three in One...would no that statement doesn't make sense. But that's really the only way I can describe it.

And then something else happens. On my birthday, on prom night, on the way to meet up with our group at Brooklyn Bridge, we wreck. We're driving along Raleigh-Lagrange out in Eads, and it has just rained, the road is wet and slippery...distraction...we wreck. The car, my car, wraps around a pole (telephone pole?) and into a ditch. And after the bumping around and shattering of glass and world spinning madly around... I've never been so scared in my life. I was prepared to look over at Anna and see her face faceless and bloody and call out to her, "Anna!" and get nothing out of her. I was afraid that I had killed my dearest friend. And when I looked over to her, I saw she was fine. Not even a scratch. Still beautiful and untouched...her dress was not even wrinkled. And we got out fine... But I was furious (You'd think I'd be happy to be alive and happy for her as well, but I'm selfish and foolish and just an all-around awful person), with God, myself, the sight of my car....I was furious for not having died on impact, furious for still being trapped in this mysterious world that offers no answer...

"WHAT THE FUCK GOD!!!" I cried. Anna and Tim and Jessica (my two precious friends who, bless their hearts, stopped and waited with us) walked away quickly from me. I desperately whined, a whisper, looking straight up into the clouds as if I might actually seem him there, "Are you just trying to get me, God? Huh? Is that it God?" I clenched my teeth, "You just wanna fuck with me? ..... FUCK!!!" (I swear I don't normally swear so much.) I put a nice dent in the side of my already-banged-up car with my nice white shiny dance shoe.

Anyway, eventually the ambulance came (no need for that, but thanks anyway, pizza delivery boy). Then the parents came. They were all cool, just glad both me and Anna were okay. Then the Sheriff and his boys got there. And we ended up waiting around (and blah blah blah). We eventually ended up going to Prom anyway. And we sorta had fun. But that's not the point.

People keep saying we're blessed to be alive. And I say to myself, "whatever." God cause that wreck to happen and God kept us alive and for what? So I could keep screaming at him? Because that's all I ever do. I honestly wish he wasn't here, but He is. And I'm forced to deal with that. I'm a sinner. But I don't love God in the slightest.

I'll be reading Bertrand Russel's Why I'm Not a Christian soon, hopefully I'll get some answers from that guy. Hopefully I'll come to the conclusion that God is a superstition and prayer and the mentioning of Christian terms is just a bad habit that I'll have to break... I hope that's the case. But if it's not the case, well, I'd like to not go to hell.

I dunno, if you who are reading are a Christian, pray for me please.

L'abri Conference 'n Thangs

WELL I MADE SOME CHANGES SO THAT THE WEBSITE LINKS WOULD WORK THIS TIME.....................

What's a "L'abri?"

I'll use the description L'abri itself gives:

L'Abri is a French word that means shelter. The first L'Abri community was founded in Switzerland in 1955 by Dr. Francis Schaeffer and his wife, Edith. Dr. Schaeffer was a Christian theologian and philosopher who also authored a number of books on theology, philosophy, general culture and the arts.

The L'Abri communities are study centers in Europe, Asia and America where individuals have the opportunity to seek answers to honest questions about God and the significance of human life. L'Abri believes that Christianity speaks to all aspects of life.

So that's what L'abri is.

L'abri Conference is affiliated then with, of course, L'abri, as well as with several different churches and Christian organizations. And a bunch of different speakers, pastors, professors, etc., come and lecture on different things, such as "cynicism in Christians" or "echoes of redemption in film" or "instrumental faith: why it's wrong"....

And it was incredible. I learned so much, particularly from Edith Reitsema and Denis Haack. Edith Reitsema offered a workshop, "Help for Cynical Christians," and Denis Haack gave a plenary lecture (where everybody at the conference gathered to listen) on film, and "echoes of redemption" in many, many movies. Of course he used Shawshank Redemption. But then he also talked about American Beauty, which I was psyched about. I got to talk more to him later in one of his workshops in which he and his film-maker friend, Toddy Burton, discussed different things about film and culture with the audience/class.

Toddy Burton is really cool, a good filmmaker and a solid follower of Jesus. We got to watch her short film "The Aviatrix." It's really good. I suggest you go watch it here.

Anyway, I got to stay and talk to Denis Haack for about fifteen minutes after his workshop. After talking to him further and discussing film with him, and hearing his views on the subject, which uncannily matched my own views, I told him that I wished I could talk to him for hours...And I will probably get to do just that next year, because Mr. Hodges told me I would be able to if I really wanted to, next year, when he and I and the other students of the Center for Western Studies come up to L'abri for two weeks.

If you want to find out more about Denis Haack, you can go to his blog here, or you check out his ministry's (Ransom Fellowship) website here.

That's all I got today. I'm tired from the twelve-hour drive back home.

i'm a selfish human being

it is two-thirty and i am tired. too tired to care about capitalization. to tired to care about a good title. too tired to even attempt to read brave new world chapter ten. too tired to text. too tired to talk. too tired to eat. too tired to think about what i'm going to draw tomorrow after school. too tired to think about what work i'll have to make up for school when i return from l'abri conference. too tired to brush my teeth. too tired to take my jacket off. or my pants. or my ecs parker polo. or my socks. or my glasses. too tired to get up and walk to my bed. to tired to turn off the computer. too tired to go back and see if i misspelled anything. too tired to care. about anything. except this blog. because i'll always care about myself and writing about me because i'm a selfish human being. and i am too tired to rest my fingers from all this typing nonsense because of inertia. a body at rest stays at rest and a body in motion stays in motion and i am just way too in motion right now but if i don't get off this soon my eyelids will drop all the way to the floor and i might even cease to exist so i better get off now or so help me

Doubt

Lately I have been doubting whether or not it is really possible to have a relationship with God. Lately in prayer I have felt like a fool, like I have been talking to air all the time. Like a crazy person.

So I count it a blessing that today in class my Bible teacher, Mr. Brink, tackled the topic of "doubt." He submitted to his students that, for the Christian, to struggle with doubt is a good thing, that for the Christian to doubt his salvation, his faith in Christ, is a mark of a true Christian and that it shows that he "cares" about what he believes. Struggling with doubt implies a certain desperation and reverence. Struggles are good.

I know that deep in my heart I believe that, that to struggle with doubt is a good thing.

But I still feel like everything I have been living for, everything I have been taught since birth, everything I have ever loved, all my "prayers," all the times I have tried to witness to people...is all rubbish! And I am scared! I hate it! I feel like my "skeptic" friends may have it down when they say there is no difference really between people saying "I hope...etc" and "I pray...etc." I know without a doubt that there is a God. But I feel as though He is impersonal... I long to be able to say, "I have a relationship with God. I know the King of the Universe." And I know without a doubt that Jesus Christ of Nazareth did literally, bodily and spiritually, resurrect Himself from the dead. I know that He is God the Son. I am just doubting whether I really do know Him, or whether or not it is even possible to really know Him.

What does it even mean to know Jesus? Does it mean that through denying yourself and living humbly and loving your neighbors and seeking righteousness...through doing these things do you begin to know Jesus? Because that's how Jesus lived? Wouldn't that then mean that to know him just means to try to feel for Him? I want to feel like so many have seemed to feel, as though He is right there with me, holding my hand, talking to me. But no! I feel like I just feel good by trying to live like Him and it's not a relationship at all! I feel like it is completely one-sided. Like I'm doing everything, and "prayers answered" are just by chance. As if nonbelievers who merely "hope" and believers who "pray" are really no different. I want so bad to have a real relationship with Jesus, with God. And I want so bad to know that my prayers really are not just me venting to the air.

I just want Him. And I want to understand and know Him. Not just try to empathize with Him, but really to know Him. Like I know my friends Richard, and Seth, and Anna, etc. I want to know Him better than I know them, like the Bible says I can. It's just not happening with me and I don't know what's up.

I just want to know Him. I just want to walk and talk with Him, and hold his hand, and see His face.

Perhaps they are right when they say that people pray to "work things out." To vent. That it's a healthy way to understand yourself. I'm just not sure, to be honest. Like I said, I'm in such doubt. And though it may be a good thing for me to be wrestling with this, it sure as hell doesn't feel like it.

I'm supposed to face suffering with joy--with the "presence of Christ." How do I face doubting my relationship with Christ with His presence, when I'm not even sure if He is present?

I'm sorry, I know this must be hard to read. It must be really depressing. Just pray for me I guess. And if you know something I don't, about having a real personal relationship with Christ that doesn't involve sharing all your feelings out loud to yourself or just reading the Bible or loving others--or if I'm just doing all these things the wrong way-- please help me.

I want to know you

I want to hear your voice...

I want to touch you

I want to see your face...

A Dream Both Pleasant and Horrifying

So I had some weird dreams last night. And I've committed to sharing everything on this life, and sometimes things are just going to be plain awkward, because our brains are weird. We're all just very weird people, and the sooner we learn to accept and respect that, the better it will all be. For all of us. So anyway, yeah. Weird, weird, weird dream last night. It's hard to go into detail, because I can only remember little things, the rest of it is pretty foggy. I know that in the dream I woke up and it was snowing (which is weird because this morning I actually did wake up to a completely white world outside--maybe I had woken up earlier and saw the snow and then dreamed about it? Oh well, who knows. In the first episode of the dream, it snowed, and I received a text message from that girl. It said to that we were still hanging out despite the snow or the icy streets...and to meet her at the Eiffel Tower...? I remember smiling at that because I new she was just being her wonderful, goofy self. And then somewhere in there the dream switched from that place and time to another place and time, where I was driving in the car with my good friend Anna...and I remember saying something to her, I think it was probably about me wanting to take her out on a date or something, and she wanted to (just because I could tell she wanted to--I dunno) but she said no, and it was really a very pleasant part of the dream. And then...episode three....the creepy part. With demons and dementia and....I dunno what the hell else. Here goes. So I'm in this smoky, foggy, dark place, me and an unnamed friend (?), and there are all these people with masks, scary and distorted faces, laughing and talking...I have no idea what they're saying. But I know they are evil people, maybe even demons...but at the same time, I stay there. Willingly. There are masked men and women taking in all sorts of drugs...and there are some people even having sex on the game tables. And they're all laughing. There might have even been heavy hypnotic music. And then there was this clown/jester girl, who wasn't wearing a mask....but she was sitting there, kicking her feet back and forth and tossing her head side to side, mocking me and laughing at me, and I don't even remember where my unnamed friend played a part in all this...all I know is that he was there. Then a feeling came over me that this was Satan's, or some dark demon's, layer. And I wanted to get out. Then some man came up behind me and sweet-talked me and grabbed me and raped me. And then before I knew it I was out of there. Like, I didn't run out of there or anything...I was just all the sudden in this dark corridor. And I was running, and crying "I renounce you Satan! I renounce you!" over and over again, "In the name of Jesus Christ I renounce you!" And then I woke up.

"forgotten"

a cup sits lonely on the table unused,

filled with water to offer to someone's lips, someone.

and for days it sits and gathers dust.

and for weeks,

and for months,

and for years,

until one day comes a man and sits down,

dressed in tattered cotton,

beaten by men and the weather,

abandoned,

thirsty, forgotten...

drinks of the forgotten,

to their fulfillment

Feelings

Feelings. What are they? Where do they come from? How do they come to be? I don't know. I don't think anybody knows. You can't define them, you can't explain them, they just are. They're just there. And you have to just accept them for what they are. You have to revere them, ya know? Have a certain respect for them. Because they're your feelings. Don't belittle that. And if you fight them, chances are you're going to lose. Rarely do you win when it's your brain versus your feelings. And if you surrender to them even, you might lose. My point is, you need to respect yourself. Your feelings, your desires, your likes and dislikes, your thoughts, your dreams and nightmares...you need to respect them. Don't try to kill them and don't try to exalt them. Just accept them. Accept yourself for who you are. Don't love yourself, don't hate yourself. Accept and respect. So if you like someone, or if you love someone, don't think, "I shouldn't like her," or "I shouldn't like him." Don't care either about what someone will think if you date or befriend someone whom they don't particularly care for. Just do what you think you should. And that means that, unless it goes explicitly against what God has commanded, against his Law, you need to be the person He made you to be, like the person He has given you desires for. Because your life is beautiful and unique, and when you resist it, you only make it ugly. Don't overanalyze things or people or situations, but respect and accept them. I'm not saying that if you have the desire to go have sex with a person, you shouldn't resist it, by all means, we are told to struggle with temptations and trials. But in places in your life where it obviously isn't a right or wrong thing, like having feelings for someone, or liking a certain activity, or whatever, accept that. Respect that. And have the great adventure called life. And I'm saying all this now because these are things I need to deal with in my own life. I need to get rid of this insecurity, and accept and respect the feelings I have and the things I like, and not worry about what others think. I need to have the great adventure called life. This is all kind of...scattered. But I hope and pray that this helps whoever reads this. Even if it is a little scattered. Yourself. Just be that, and I promise you, your life will be so much more exciting. Have the great adventure called life. And that can't happen if you're not yourself.

Oh and by the way, check out the poem, "Scatter-brain Sweetness" by Rumi. It's great.

Grace Like Rain

It was a good day. Truly. A day of revelation and beauty. The gray sky and the misty rain made me feel so alive and so good... The air was cool and those nose pipe thangs...those breathin' thangs...were open more so than usual...and I felt like I was being brought back to life from some state of soul sleep...awakening for the first time in a thousand days to God's awesome majestic beauty. I could feel Him! He was holding my hand as I walked from the computer building at my school to Eagle Hall...and I must have been smiling funny, because when I said, "Hey" to every single person and "I'm having a great day!" and "It's so gorgeous outside!" they all looked at me like I was nuts (You're NUTS man.). I feel so loved and so special that the Lord should give me of all people such a good day and allow me to walk with Him like that... I want others to feel that. Others like me, who are so gross and sick and perverted in sin. They need this kind of day. We all need it, I think, all the time. We just need to try our best to stay awake.

And then in the art room during study hall I had a cool thought (that kind of thing always happens after an experience like that). See, first you feel it. Then you want that exact feeling again, you try to get it back... But you find that it's impossible. You just cannot re-obtain it. So you start to think about what just happened. And that's what I did. And this was basically it: How cool and creative is God to give us humans "degrees!" Not degrees in temperature, though those are certainly something... But degrees. Like "soft" and "softer," or "hard" and "harder." The cool misty rain was what made me think about this. Usually I think, "Gosh, I really don't like rain." But now I'm thinking, oh wait, it's not rain I don't like, it's just certain degrees of rain I don't particularly care for...like when it's pouring down like arrows. But when it's soft and misty...I love it. God is so amazing. That He thought of degrees...That he knew that this misty day would come and I would have that experience...millions of years before it even happened. How amazing! How glorious! How beautiful! How electrifying and good and indescribable! How scintillating!* There are no words capable of expressing fully how much I love Him. I really do love Him.

Hallelujah! Grace like rain falls down on me!

...And all my stains are washed away.

*-learned that word today! go look it up, it's freaking awesome.

Life is Beautiful

Lately life has been strange.
Life is obviously strange, so that seems like a dumb thing to say.
One thing strange is the way I've been.
I have a paper in Bible I'm supposed to have turned in Monday,
and I haven't even finished it yet.
It's not out of a rebellious spirit, either.
It's just that I can't focus. Literally.
Anytime and everytime I try to type the thing, I just...go away.
My mind. Goes away. And I don't know what to do.
I'm afraid it's futile.
On the other hand, I have been very inspired lately.
I met a really cool person, and we're getting to be friends,
and I like the way she says things. A lot.
I love every word that comes out of her brain.
I like her style a lot, too. She's like a kid. A crazy cool kid
who is a lot wiser than me though she doesn't know it,
and who is nice. Like Eternal Sunshine.
Who doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself.
Who knows what beauty is and has always had a secret to desire to be an actress.
Who likes to create.
We have actually only hung out once. Sort of. In an intellectual group setting.
All our good conversation has been via text. We were going to go get coffee Saturday and go to Davis Kidd and pick our favorite books and talk about why they're our favorites.
But then I remembered I had been asked to the Valentines Dance,
so I had to cancel.
But I think we will for sure hang out.
I really hope so. I like her.
She said I give very good advice. I'm glad she thinks that because really all I want to do is help people.
And I especially want to help her.
She loves Jesus like crazy. I like that like crazy.
I love Jesus, too. I want righteousness so, so bad.
And I think she does, too.
So we'll just see how things go. Maybe we'll just be friends.
And ya know what? I'll be okay.
And maybe we'll be more,
and if so, I'll be okay. I just want to live the life God wants for me.
And I want the same for her.
So anyway, I picked up John Calvin's "Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life" last night, first thing I've read by him.
That's funny, I think, considering I'm the son of Reformed Presbyterian pastor,
raised Presbyterian and all.
John Calvin's practically been a common household name.
And he's good stuff, I gotta say.
His stuff is simple and to the point, but hard-hitting and convicting.
One thing he wrote that sticks out to me is this:
"Christians ought to detest those who have the gospel on their lips, and not in their hearts."
I posted that on Facebook and two people were like, "Christians shouldn't detest anybody."
And I completely agree with them.
I'd even go as far to say that the true Follower of Jesus is incapable of hate.
After all, hate is unrepentant hostility, unrelenting malice.
And sure a believer can struggle with not loving fully somebody-
I know I sure do.
But a true believer is repentant of his sin, because the Holy Spirit has made him aware, convicted him, of his sin.
The true believer wants more than anything to love fully.
The true believer wants more than anything to be righteouss.
The true believer cannot hate.
And we have a right I think to be angry with people who say they love Jesus with all their heart, and then live unrepentant self-serving lives.
And that's what I think John Calvin meant when he said we should "detest" people like that.
Because they hurt God, and they hurt other people, by giving Jesus, the only good person, a really bad name.
I cry for Jesus. I really do.
I cry about my sin. I can't believe how messed up I am.
If people only knew just how bad I was...
...I think I'd have less friends.
Only two of my friends know the depths of my heart,
and they love me ruthlessly.
And hopefully one day, I'll meet somebody like me, who has hurt like I have hurt,
and I will be able to say to them, "Hey, it's okay. I was just like you. But I changed. And if I can do it, you can for sure."
I just want Jesus.
I want to hold his hand.
I want to look into his kind and loving eyes, and cry.
I want to talk to him, hear his voice...
I can't wait for Him to come back!
But I also want to get married first. And have kids. Lots of kids.
And I can't wait to help my wife raise kids who love Jesus hopefully more than we do.
But first, I have to meet her.
Who knows, maybe she's the girl I just met. Probably not.
Still, that would be very cool to say, "I met your mom when she was 16 and liked playing with sharpies."
"But Daddy, Mommy still likes to play with sharpies!"
Maybe...just maybe...
And I also have to go to college.
But before that I am doing the Center for Western Studies which I'm crazy about!
I can't wait! Just eight months away!
And hopefully through that program I will come to a better understanding of God
and His creation.
Hopefully I will gain more wisdom.
Hopefully I'll be able to sit down and talk to anyone about anything and everything.
Hopefully in my free time I'll be able to study God's Word with Him.
Prayerfully.
That's what I need to focus on right now I think.
Not so much school, though I know that is important.
But I need to focus on God and listen to what He has to teach me, and talk to Him.
I need to rebuild our relationship.
I want to!
So that's what I'm going to do.

This was taken by American photographer Irving Penn.

It's called "Girl Drinking."

Beauty in black and white

Steals my breath and sight

And I just want to drink

Infinity with you tonight

Thanks, Irving.